Brio Leadership

Stories of personal transformation have always inspired me. I am amazed to hear stories of people who recover from childhood abuse, incredible hardships or addictions. If you listened to my Forgiveness Telesummit in August, you heard how Nick Hope forgave the Nazi oppressors who enslaved him and almost killed him. If you viewed The Oprah Winfrey Show last week, you may have seen Oprah interview Mackenzie Phillips about how she recovered from multiple addictions and forgave her father for incest. The strength and power of the human spirit is awe-inspiring. I know that you, just like these folks, are gifted with incredible resilience and the power to transform your life.

Leaders can also change and transform their professional lives through introspection and self-knowledge. In this post, I discuss how to define your core values and how important they are to creating the future that you truly desire.

All the best,

Kristin

Catch Kristin Robertson, who was interviewed by Denise Griffitts, on Your Partner in Success radio show.  In the interview, Kristin talks about the benefits of forgiveness, especially at work. Kristin reveals who who most deserves and needs your forgiveness in the workplace, how to forgive yourself and how to draw healthy boundaries for yourself as you forgive.

Would you like to be known as a person who makes decisions according to her values?  Would you like to be an authentic leader? Would you like to be in charge of creating the future that you desire? If any of these is your desire, defining your personal core values is essential to developing your leadership qualities.

Authentic leaders know themselves: They define their own core values, they understand the behaviors that embody their values and they recognize the emotional triggers that may sidetrack them from living in integrity. Taking stock of your tendencies and highest aspirations may seem like busy-work for a harried worker or executive; to the contrary, it is foundational inner work for the leader who wishes to lead with integrity. When your core values are the bedrock of your decision-making, you live in alignment with your ideals and create a future of your own design.

Effective leaders need to understand their personal core values in order to act with integrity, not react according to past experiences or emotional triggers.  Value-based decision-making allows leaders to shape their own destiny, one choice at a time.  If you react, you reinforce previous behaviors and continue the patterns of the past.  However, if you act according to your values, you choose a future that is aligned to your highest ideals.

How does a leader define his core values?  Remember first that core values are the 3-5 most important, encompassing values that you live by. A good way to start, however, is by identifying your top ten values, then distilling those to a handful that are easy to remember.

Although the process is straightforward, it may take some time to work it to your satisfaction.  Let these concepts percolate through your mind over several days, then carve out some quiet time to write down your conclusions.

Here’s how to define your core values.

1. Think of past decisions that were successful AND made you feel good about yourself.  Using these as an indicator, identify the values that drove those decisions. Then add values to include the values that you wish to embody in the future. Create a list of about ten values. You might choose from this list or create your own: accountability, work/life balance, compassion, creativity, efficiency, excellence, fairness, family, financial gain, future generations, fun, honesty, integrity, making a difference, personal growth and fulfillment, power, respect, success, wisdom.
2. Now, create a matrix that lists your top ten values, a description of what it means to you and an example of actions you take to live by that value.  Here is an excerpt from my list of top ten values:
   

   Value:	What this means to me:	Example actions I take to live this value:
   Integrity	Doing what I say I will do, according to my code of honor	I refund a client if they accidentally overpay me.
   Compassion	Acting with love and the best interests of the people involved; creating a win-win situation.	I express my desires and vision in a way that respects the desires of the other person.

3. Once you have your top ten values, step back and look at them through the following filters:
   1. Group similar values together. Find a word or phrase that describes the grouped values.
   2. Prioritize the remaining values by asking yourself these two important question: 1) Which of these are the most important to me?  2) What values do I want to be remembered for at the end of my life?
   3. Ensure that the top 3-5 include values that relate to your own personal development, to serving your family/customers and to contributing to society at large.  This helps you create well-rounded values and a legacy.
   4. Lastly, make sure that the values you choose are achievable for you.  It helps no one if you are not truly committed and able to live your values.
4. Post your list of Core Values in a prominent place, perhaps near your desk or computer.  Live with them for a few days to make sure they resonate with you.  When satisfied, re-post the Core Values again so you can refer to them in future decision-making and as a daily reminder.

The best leaders know themselves.  They take the time to inspect their values, their motives and they understand their tendencies. Create your own Core Values and use them as a compass on your journey to living, and leading, in wholeness.

In my last post, I wrote about the tough decision to take action after you have forgiven, and the benefits of drawing personal boundaries after someone has hurt you. We continue here with a list of important questions to ask yourself.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends – or married to – the person who hurt you.  It simply means that you have reached a feeling of peace about the person or situation and have discharged your anger or resentment. The decision to take action after someone has hurt you is always a better one if you can wait until you have forgiven, at least in part. This is because your heart and mind are clear of dark emotions that dim your decision-making ability.

So, you’ve gone through the process to forgive and have released much of your lingering anger and resentment.  Now, how do you decide whether to take action or do nothing, and what action to take?  Here are some questions to ponder:

What do I want to accomplish with my actions?  Define what the ideal outcome would be. In a circumstance that involves criminal or unethical behavior, you may wish to prevent the perpetrator from hurting someone else or prevent that person from hurting you or your family again.  Or, you may wish to change aspects of your relationship so that you protect yourself from further hurt.  An example: You forgive your spouse for charging too much on credit cards and amassing a large debt. You would like to get out of debt, so you ask your spouse to commit to a budget and create a plan for paying off what you owe.

What are the chances of accomplishing my goal? Once you have defined what you want to accomplish with your action, how likely are you to achieve it? If you are thinking of taking legal action against someone, research similar cases or seek the advice of an attorney to help you decide the best course of action. If the risk of not attaining your goal is high, you may choose to take another course of action.

Is the other person capable of hearing my concerns and making a change in their behaviors? In this discernment question, you attempt to calibrate the ability of the other person to a) hear what you have to say with a receptive ear and b) to be able to make behavioral changes. If the other person is incapable of helping you accomplish your goal,  perhaps you should act differently or not at all.  For example, if your best friend hurt you by criticizing your teenage son’s new nose ring and you know she is sensitive to confrontation, is it really worth jeopardizing your friendship by speaking to her about it, or should you just shrug it off?

How will I feel if I DON’T take action? You may think that you need to stand up for values or beliefs that are important to you, and it would be a sin of omission if you didn’t act or speak up. 

How much is this relationship worth to me? If the relationship is a close and important one, like with your spouse or your boss, it is probably worth speaking up or doing something about the situation. If, however, you can simply walk away from the relationship, sometimes that is the better part of valor. In some instances, ending the relationship is the best way to honor yourself and your needs.  If you do decide to end the relationship, you serve yourself by in the spirit of forgiveness rather than out of malice or spite. And that is the biggest challenge of all – to walk away after taking the chip off your shoulder.

What does Source want me to do? Getting down on your knees and asking for God’s guidance in prayer or meditation is the ultimate determinant of what you should do. How might Source view this situation? What challenge is God presenting you?  What action could you take to best follow the path of love?

These questions are only a guide to assisting you in discerning the best course of action or inaction. Listen to the wisdom of your pure and forgiving heart, which reflects God’s unconditional love for all. Then take action. Or not.