Job Searches, Forgiveness and the Power of Intentions

January 28, 2010 | 1 Comment

A good friend graciously allowed me to interview her about her recent job search.  Hers is a story of losing her job, forgiving her past employer and finding another, even-better job.  There are many lessons in it for you and for me.  I’ll let her tell it in the following question and answer format:

Kristin: Tell us about your job loss last winter.

My Friend: I worked at a very well respected company, probably the top in my field.  When I was originally recruited to work there, I was extremely flattered.  But while I was well liked by my peers and respected by many, I never really felt comfortable working for such a large organization.  The huge management structure, the inevitable politics and bureaucracy were not really me.

When the economy took a dive, the pressure was on.  Corporate told us that there would need to be some cuts.  My manager, whom I adored, was let go. There was a re-org at the end of 2008 and then I just knew, but could never confirm – I was on ‘THE LIST’.  I lived for weeks of uncertainty that turned into a 3-month waiting game.

Finally, I was laid off last March.  While I was resentful on how they secretly planned it and communicated the news to me, I felt relieved.  The uncertainty was over; I now knew what action I needed to take. Networking!

K: It seems to me that you got over being resentful of your past employer faster than others I have coached and mentored.  What’s your secret?

MF: Kristin, you’ve commented many times about my ability to forgive my last employer.  I never saw it as forgiveness but rather simply moving on.  Even early on in my job search, I secretly thanked my former employer for letting me go. I knew I wasn’t happy in that environment but was paralyzed by the shaky economy and too mesmerized by working at #1 to go looking for a new job.  They forced me out – like a mother bird forces her hatchling out to fly.

K: What was your approach to finding the perfect job?

MF: I don’t know my ‘life’s purpose’ so I can only be the best person I can be.  I consider myself spiritual, but not religious.  I do a lot of reading – for business, for thinking and for fun.  I stumbled on the Law of Attraction through a study group I was involved in and it just resonated with me.  I learned that what you think about and focus on often happens. So, instead of focusing on past hurts, I decided to focus on the present and the future.

I started doing little things like visualizing a sunny day for my daughter’s birthday pool party.  The day of the party, it rained all morning, but by the time the party was about to begin, we had warm, sunny skies. With that kind of success under my belt, I applied the lessons to my job search.

K: You had some early successes that gave you courage – then what did you do to focus on your job search?

MF: I decided to only go after what resonated with me.  I was lucky that I had savings and had COBRA (continuation of medical insurance coverage), but I also had FAITH that I would get a job I wanted. When I thought about a particular job with a particular type of company with a particular product, I felt myself get excited.  When I told people what I wanted to do, I found I would speak faster and become more animated.  I don’t know why I felt that way and I spent many hours trying to understand it. I resonated with this type of position, so I spent time visualizing it and examining what made me so passionate about it.

I pursued one company and ended up being their #2 choice.  That bit of news set me back emotionally for a few days.  But, I moved on and kept telling myself, “There’s a reason why that one didn’t work out and the right one will!” I even had the gumption to say to more than one person, “I really want to take the summer off to be with the kids, then by the end of the summer, I’ll have a couple of job offers so I can chose the right one.”  On August 29th, I got my first job offer and a week later, got a second.

K: Isn’t that interesting that your words became a self-fulfilling prophesy!

MF: That’s right!  And what’s more amazing is that I landed at a company that was exactly as I visualized if not better.  It is a smaller organization but with some benefits I was surprised they offered.  They have an extremely experienced management team that, so far, seems to have no hidden agenda.  They share and treat me as a valued part of the organization. I am thankful to be there.

K: As we finish up, what words of wisdom do you have for job seekers and others who are trying to follow their dreams?

MF: If you take anything from reading this, my message is simple: Let go of the past, thank it for teaching you a life experience – albeit not a pleasant one, but one that helps you know what you DON’T want and will help you appreciate where you land next.  Focus on what you do want – visualize it clearly – and have faith that you will get it.  Make a decision that resonates with your highest values, your highest self – you’ll know it when you see it!  Until then, be patient.  My best wishes for you all!

K: Thanks so much, good friend, for your insight and wisdom.

Kristin Robertson of Brio Leadership loves to interview friends for this newsletter and blog.  If you have a workplace story to tell about values in action, such as forgiveness, positive thoughts, compassion and integrity, please contact Kristin here.


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Generosity Blesses the Giver and the Recipient

December 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment

During the holiday season, it’s easy to get caught up in “to-do list mania”: buying presents, preparing for parties, dashing to the kid’s special programs and getting next year’s budget completed at the office. In all that busy-ness, it is important to get off the treadmill, feed the spirit and take time to remember one of the enduring themes that runs through all the religious holidays of this season: Remember to be generous. Remember the gifts of the Magi, the gifts of the Little Drummer Boy. Remember the miracles that are enshrined in the holiday stories – the Hanukkah miracle of lamp oil lasting for eight nights, the miracle of the Christ child’s birth, the miracle of the Buddha’s enlightenment. All of these are gifts of the spirit, freely given to us. Practicing generosity is the best way to give thanks for the gifts of the spirit: we pass on our blessings to others.

Generosity comes in many forms. You can give of your time, your treasure and/or your talent. Generosity is not just gifts of money. It can be the time that you donate to work for a worthy cause, to speak to someone who is worried, to visit a friend or acquaintance in the hospital, or to simply exchange smiles with another. Time is precious, and it can be a huge source of generosity. You share your time and your talent when you volunteer to lead a non-profit fundraiser, tutor a child, coach your daughter’s soccer team or help a struggling business.

What does generosity look like for my family and my business? It is paying people who work for us an above-market wage, tipping generously and giving ten percent or more of our income each year to charities and non-profit organizations. It is donating my time and talent to worthy causes. I volunteer and hold leadership positions at church and on non-profit boards. I am involved in my community. I serve the local HDI chapter as an officer. I run my business on the principles of generosity and giving back, and everything I have given has blessed me many times over. It is the right thing to do, while at the same time, it blesses the giver as well as the recipient.

Your time, talent and treasure are each representations of energy. When energy is dammed up and not allowed to flow, it disintegrates, like a battery that sits on the shelf and is never used. Think of how love, another form of energy, multiplies when you give it away. The more love you give to others, the more you recieve. Time, talent and treasure operate the same way – each is enhanced by allowing it to flow outward from you. When you bless others by giving money to worthy causes, whether that be a generous tip to the hair dresser, a check to a family member who is in financial distress or a donation to a church or non-profit organization, you set up a flow of energy that ultimately comes back to bless you. In the meantime, you feel the satisfaction of knowing that your money has helped others.

It’s not quite the same when you hoard money, time and talent or spend it entirely on self interests. Instead of flowing freely through a circuit, the flow gets damned up because it is not going anywhere. There is nothing wrong with having nice things or focusing on your career, but buying a fancy new car for yourself does not set up the chain of blessing that giving away money or volunteering for a charity does. Buying a new car has a different feel and purpose to it – you don’t get the same satisfaction you get when giving to a cause that is bigger than yourself. You don’t set up the circular flow of energy that comes from gifting your time, talent or treasure to a church, charity, or other needy person.

When I get concerned about money, I counter the anxiety by donating some money to people or causes. For example, when I was on sabbatical 2 years ago, cash flow was a challenge because I wasn’t bringing in revenue for my business. Many people are in the same situation during this holiday season – money might be a little tight in your home due to layoffs or the general economic slowdown. The local public radio station did a pledge drive during that time, and I decided to give generously even though my income was severely reduced. And, my husband and I hosted a reception and brunch for our extended family during a family reunion because we knew it was the right thing to do. These acts of giving were done with love and gratitude in our hearts. My husband simply said, “It was the right thing to do.”

Several days after returning from the family reunion, there were two unexpected checks in the mail that equaled the amounts that we had recently spent on family and charities. We started the blessing, and it was returned to us. When you give out of the goodness of your heart, you are blessed in ways, whether monetary or otherwise, that you can’t imagine.

This holiday season, remember to practice generosity. It feels good to give generously of your time, talent or treasure this month to some cause that is making a difference in your community. Be generous with the people you meet – if it’s only a smile you can share, share generously! Help others in both small and large ways. In this way, we celebrate the true meaning of the holidays.


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Five Ways to Develop the Transformational Leader Within You

October 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Today, leaders must deal with complexity, ambiguity and constant change. If leaders are to be successful, they must possess not only mental maturity, but also maturity of heart, mind and the human spirit. Tall order for us mere mortals, huh? The good news is that transformational leaders, those who truly make a difference, are developed, not born. How can you become a transformational leader? New research is showing surprising answers to this question.

Individuals who achieve more advanced stages of adult development are more effective leaders, according to the research of many visionary thinkers. Dr. Daniel Goleman has extensively documented the positive effect of improved emotional intelligence, one measurement of adult development, on leadership performance. Other researchers have created models of adult development, such as Bill Torbert, Susanne Cook-Greuter, Richard Barrett and Jim Collins (author of “Good to Great”). Their work demonstrates that an individual who can think globally, act with wisdom and compassion, and create climates of innovation is more effective in business. And, the proof is in the organizations they lead, which enjoy organizational longevity, positive work environments, long-term profitability and high stakeholder value.

Therefore, it behooves any leader who aspires to become a transformational leader to look inside himself and focus on his own personal development. The results will be reflected in the quality of that leader’s life and in the performance of his organization. By working on his own mental, emotional, physical and spiritual development, the leader will affect change in the life of his organization.

Please note: Leaders are found at all levels of an organization and in all walks of life; leadership is not the exclusive domain of managers and executives. Some of the most effective leaders I know do not have a managerial title, but lead by their example, their maturity and their ability to speak the truth. Be a leader from wherever you sit!

Here are five ways to develop yourself on the inside so you become a more effective leader on the outside:

1. Increase your self awareness.
All personal growth begins with self-awareness. The plethora of individual assessments currently on the market attests to the basic human desire and need to learn more about yourself. Leadership assessments, like the Leadership Values Assessment that Brio Leadership can administer, can be very helpful in gaining a better understanding of your skills and strengths. Other assessments that might prove useful are StrengthsFinder (you can access the online assessment with the code found in the book, StrengthsFinder 2.0) and the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal (also available online with the code found in the Emotional Intelligence Quickbook).

In order to understand yourself more clearly, you need to seek out other people’s perception of you. Ken Blanchard says, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” This is because we cannot fully know ourselves through self-observation – the view is too recursive. Consider engaging a coach or your human resources department to conduct a 360o survey that solicits input about your strengths and blindspots from your boss, peers and employees. (Brio Leadership offers such a feedback mechanism in its coaching services.) Put the feedback through a calm filter of truth and make changes where it is warranted. Thank the people who participated in the survey and report the results to them. That way, they will be encouraged to provide feedback in the future.

2. Increase your emotional maturity.
Read books on emotional intelligence, such as “Primal Leadership” by Daniel Goleman or “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, and Patrick M. Lencioni. Identify the emotional triggers that cause you to react inappropriately, consider a variety of more effective responses and repeatedly visualize yourself choosing one of the more effective actions. Train yourself to pause before reacting to an emotional trigger so you can choose a considered response.

3. Embrace “both/and” thinking.
“Both/and” thinking is a way to hold ambiguity in your mind and not reduce a complex situation to black and white solutions. It is the opposite of dualistic thinking, which focuses too narrowly on dichotomies such as right/wrong and either/or. Instead, consider shades of gray and possibilities that are foreign to you. This will improve your ability to innovate and make more informed, rather than knee-jerk, decisions. Try to understand people who think differently than you do. Accept complexity and have the patience to wait for a solution to present itself. Listen deeply for the hidden meaning in what people say to you.

4. Eschew fear-based decision-making.
Learn to be a non-anxious presence – a presence that does not get sucked into negative emotions, judgments or worry. Do not wrap a blanket of fear and limited thinking around you. Instead, be positive and forward-looking, expecting the best from people and situations. Before making a decision, ask yourself, what would be the most compassionate response to this dilemma? What would Jesus – or Buddha, Moses, Gandhi, Mother Theresa (fill in your compassionate role model’s name here) – do in this situation? What can I do to serve the greater good?

5. Think globally, act locally – in that order.
Transformational leaders are always looking at the BIG big picture. They not only consider the welfare of their team and their company, but they include the welfare of all stakeholders, the community and the next generation. These are the people who are looking to leave a legacy of compassion, enduring values and innovation in their organizations. They think of the big picture, then act locally in a way that serves the common good. Questions to ask yourself are: How can I act in a way that serves the common good? How can I transcend my own self-interest in order to create something that will outlast my lifetime?

Transformational leadership begins on the inside, with your heart, mind, body and human spirit. You, too, can become a transformational leader!


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Virtual Book Tour Recap and the Coming Forgiveness Telesummit

July 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment

With the Forgiveness and Emotional Release Telesummit coming up the first week in August, some of my guest speakers are jumping in on the Virtual Book Tour.

pamelaPamela Bruner, a Success Coach, Certified Firewalk Instructor, and Certified EFT Practitioner, helps coaches, consultants and healing practitioners create thriving businesses to better serve the world. Last week she included an article of mine in her ezine and posted a review of A Forgiveness Journal on her blog. For the telesummit, she’ll be talking about how EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) can help you with forgiveness.

marilynMarilyn Foreman, a parenting facilitator, teacher, speaker, and author of KidBits: Inspiration for Parents, advocated A Forgiveness Journal as a useful tool in creating better parent/child relationships on her blog, Thoughts from Marilyn. She will be talking with me about Forgiveness and the Parent/Child Relationship during the Telesummit.


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Carol Merlo Called It “A Must Read”

June 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment

This week, my virtual book tour continues with a “stop” at Carol Merlo’s health and wellness blog. She reviewed A Forgiveness Journal and even called it “A Must Read”! You can check out her review at theeightkeystowellness.com.


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Two Views Of Forgiveness: Virtual Book Tour Week in Review

June 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment

As my virtual book tour starts to pick up steam, I’ve had the opportunity to “stop” by a couple of blogs this week.

The first was at the Keener Financial Planning blog, where Jean Keener talked about how forgiveness can help you with your financial life, especially in this down economy. My article, Forgiveness: 5 Reasons It’s Good for You was also posted to the blog.

Then, today, my pastor posted a review of my book at the Sunflower Chalice blog.


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Virtual Book Tour Week in Review

June 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment

This past week, I stopped by the Planting God Communities blog managed by Rev. Ron Robinson. His post talked about Letting Go of the Past, Forgiveness, and Planting. He even talked about William Faulkner! Good company to be in, I think.


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A Forgiveness Journal Virtual Book Tour Re-cap

June 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment

The virtual book tour for my new book, A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past, is now underway. Last week, I “stopped by” The Women’s Business Gallery. Carma Spence-Pothitt, the owner of the site, promoted my book and discussed how forgiveness can help you break through barriers that might be holding you back in your business.

You can see that the stops on my tour are starting to fill in. They are regularly updated on my official Virtual Book Tour page, as well as in the sidebar of this website.

If you would like to participate in the tour … there are some perks, including the chance to win a copy of my book, as well as being spotlighted on my webistes … just contact my assistants at info@brioleadership.com.


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Timing is Everything, Even with Forgiveness

April 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment

I remember a colleague saying, “Kristin, timing is everything, and this is not the time,” when I offered her a job that would require a move to another state.  Her family situation didn’t allow her to move at that time, but she left open the possibility that the timing could be right in a difference circumstance.  I thought it was a wise statement, not just about jobs but about most decisions in  life.  The timing has to be right.

The same can be said about choosing to forgive.  There are times in your life when the timing will be right for you to forgive and there will be times when you are not yet ready to forgive.  In my new book, A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past, I teach a seven-step process to forgive.  I know this process can work for you as it has for me, but I also know that the timing must be right for you.  This is not a race to see who can become the most spiritually advanced the quickest.  Source/God has all the time in the universe – in more ways than one! – and Source is patiently waiting for the right time to nudge you, to entice you, to motivate you to forgive.  In my case, Source waited patiently for the time when I was desperate to find an alternative to feeling mad, bad and sad about a particular incident and person in my past.  I was so weary of carrying grief, anger and self-recrimination, so tired of re-creating those feelings every time I remembered the person and events that hurt me, and so mad at myself for not being able to just forget about it. It took me nine months to get to this point of desperation, and then Source blessed me with the inspiration to create the seven-step process of forgiveness.  I used it to free myself of the emotional entanglements that were binding my spiritual and emotional feet, releasing me to walk again with a spring in my step.

It may take you nine seconds, nine days, nine months, nine years or ninety years to be ready to forgive.

That’s OK – really OK.  The first person you need to forgive is yourself – for not being ready to forgive within the timeframe that you, a mere mortal, think is right.  It’s also OK to never forgive.  Source does not judge you for that, nor should anyone else.  God waits patiently for you to live in love, and forgiveness is a building block in constructing a life of love. You are assured of God’s love whether you forgive or not, so your decision to forgive is simply to assist yourself in this life.

I have a friend who is particularly good at being patient with herself, and at forgiving herself for not being ready.  In her case, it was being ready to quit smoking. She tried to quit five times in five years, and each time except the last was unsuccessful. I watched her both during and after each of her failed attempts to kick the habit and was filled with admiration of the self-love she showed each time.  “It’s OK,” she would tell me with assurance. “I’m just not ready yet to quit smoking.  I’ll be ready sometime.”  When the time was right, she quit smoking.

It’s that kind of patience and self-love we need in contemplating the decision to forgive. It’s OK, you’ll be ready sometime.

In the meantime, you might go ahead and purchase my beautiful book, put in on your bedside table, look at it every night before going to bed.  In time, I know you’ll be ready to give forgiveness a try.


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Forgiveness at Work is NOT a Touchy-Feely Gimmick

April 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment

nlleafWe don’t often think about forgiveness in a business context. It’s usually not in our vocabulary at work. But it needs to be. Forgiveness at work creates a healthier work climate or environment and creates many other real benefits. It is not a touchy-feely gimmick. Forgiveness in the workplace is good business.

It is important to define forgiveness at work. Forgiveness is giving people the benefit of the doubt and a second (or third) chance after making a mistake. It is putting aside past hurts and affronts to build a respectful relationship with a co-worker. Forgiveness is allowing people to learn through experimentation, without fear of reprisal. It is viewing an employee’s performance from a holistic perspective that includes past work history, personal strengths and the needs of the organization. Lastly, forgiveness in the workplace is cutting management a lot of slack.

Forgiveness does not mean creating a laissez-faire environment in which no one is held accountable, nor does it mean that we ignore bad or illegal behavior. Forgiveness never implies that the natural consequences of an action should be thwarted. Forgiveness and accountability go together to make tough love a stance that recognizes the worth of each individual while holding him responsible for the consequences of his actions.

In coaching executives and mid-managers, I find that the lack of forgiveness is always a factor in interpersonal conflict at work. It is imperative that we find ways of incorporating the gentle art of forgiveness into our work environment. Everyone, including the business, will benefit.

How does forgiveness operate at work? Here are five ways that forgiveness is applied in the workplace and the benefits of each:

1. Forgiveness creates a learning environment.

When people are allowed to fail with forgiveness, they tend to learn from their mistakes. Despite what you may think, every person must fail to learn. Think of a baby learning to walk: she falls, gets up, walks a step or two, and falls again. This pattern is repeated countless times until she learns to walk with perfection. Not only does she walk, but she learns to skip, to jump and to run, too! Forgiveness is especially needed when an employee learns a new skill, is put into a new position, or is promoted to a new level. Even experienced workers, including executives, make mistakes from time to time. A good employee will know when he makes a mistake, and he will need a boost of confidence from their manager, not a tongue-lashing. If the employee is in the right place and has the proper managerial support to succeed, he will learn and grow from his experiences. The corporation or organization will benefit from their accumulated wisdom.

Forgiveness must be accompanied by accountability, however. Established patterns of poor performance usually indicate that the job is not a good fit for the employee’s strengths or capabilities. A possible guideline is: Forgive until a pattern of failure is established. Once that pattern is well established, it is time to apply the natural consequences of their poor behavior, up to and including termination.

2. Forgiveness creates higher performance levels.

When the work environment includes forgiveness, people become more creative and produce at a higher level. Organizational research has proven that when employees are given more autonomy in their work (which implies forgiveness for mistakes that may occur), they are happier and more productive.

At a corporation that I worked with, a high potential manager was experiencing some unusual but significant performance problems that were affecting his entire team. To his director, he revealed that his wife had asked for a divorce and the emotional stress was affecting his work. Rather than write him up with a performance improvement plan, his director involved Human Resources and found a coach for the manager. After working with the coach for six months, the manager was able to identify ways to reduce his stress, sort through his feelings about the divorce and turn around his performance. In this manner, the corporation practiced forgiveness and saved a high potential employee, who continues to increase his contribution to the department.

3. Forgiveness improves the work climate and increases revenues.

Daniel Goleman reports in his book, Primal Leadership, that positive emotions and upbeat moods improve the work environment, which in turn increases revenues. This is especially true in service companies, where the positive emotions of the workers affect the service provided to customers. How can you increase positive emotions in your team? Martin Seligman, in his book called Authentic Happiness, reports that forgiveness is one of the ways you can increase your happiness. In other words, forgiveness is a contributor to positive emotions, both on the individual and collective levels. Therefore, practicing forgiveness in the workplace can improve the working environment and positively affect the profitability of the company.

Interpersonal conflict is the source of much workplace stress that contributes to lost productivity, failed projects and a toxic environment. When people practice forgiveness toward each other, work goes more smoothly, projects complete on time, creativity is enhanced and problem solving is improved. It is easy to get stuck in a passive war with someone who has stolen your idea and called it his own, or someone who constantly disagrees with you or someone who undermines you. It is harder to find forgiveness in your heart toward these people, but to do so will increase your own peace and happiness on the job and make you and your team more productive.

4. Forgiveness increases employee loyalty.

Research shows that positive emotions in the workplace create more loyal employees. Even in difficult economic times, the loss of a highly productive employee is a concern for all organizations. Creating a forgiving climate in the office or workplace improves the positive emotions and contributes to the retention of good workers.

At another company that I worked with, a new employee had to have emergency surgery before the company-sponsored health plan fully covered her expenses. The company literally forgave her wait period and paid for her medical expenses as if she were fully covered under the medical insurance. In addition, the company loaned her the amount of her co-pay for this expensive surgery. What the company received in return was the loyalty of that worker, who has remained at the company for over twenty years, rising to the rank of Human Resources vice president. Now she is in a position to reach back and help other employees by extending the spirit of forgiveness that still pervades that corporate culture.

5. Forgiveness is cutting management a lot of slack.

We’ve talked a lot about managers forgiving their employees, but let’s turn that around. In most organizations, managers deserve a lot of forgiveness from their employees. Most managers want what is best for the employees, for the customers and for the company, and often it is difficult to please all three constituents. Sometimes, managers must make decisions that cannot be fully explained to their teams due to the confidential nature of the situation. Managers are human like the rest of us and have good and bad days. The same rule as above applies: Forgive until a pattern of failure is established. Suspend your judgments until you have taken a generous amount of time to gather enough data points to truly assess your manager. Then, choose your actions wisely. By forgiving your boss, you may save your job and your sanity in the workplace.

The shape of the 21st century workplace must include the practice of forgiveness for organizations to grow and thrive, because forgiveness, as we’ve seen, produces tangible and intangible benefits. The current economic crisis provides an opportunity to examine and improve or revolutionize – our old ways of doing business. Building a climate of forgiveness in the workplace is a revolutionary idea whose time has come but only for those businesses that wish to survive the current challenges and flourish in the years to come.


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