Kristin: Tell us about your job loss last winter.

My Friend: I worked at a very well respected company, probably the top in my field.  When I was originally recruited to work there, I was extremely flattered.  But while I was well liked by my peers and respected by many, I never really felt comfortable working for such a large organization.  The huge management structure, the inevitable politics and bureaucracy were not really me.

When the economy took a dive, the pressure was on.  Corporate told us that there would need to be some cuts.  My manager, whom I adored, was let go. There was a re-org at the end of 2008 and then I just knew, but could never confirm – I was on ‘THE LIST’.  I lived for weeks of uncertainty that turned into a 3-month waiting game.

Finally, I was laid off last March.  While I was resentful on how they secretly planned it and communicated the news to me, I felt relieved.  The uncertainty was over; I now knew what action I needed to take. Networking!

K: It seems to me that you got over being resentful of your past employer faster than others I have coached and mentored.  What’s your secret?

MF: Kristin, you’ve commented many times about my ability to forgive my last employer.  I never saw it as forgiveness but rather simply moving on.  Even early on in my job search, I secretly thanked my former employer for letting me go. I knew I wasn’t happy in that environment but was paralyzed by the shaky economy and too mesmerized by working at #1 to go looking for a new job.  They forced me out – like a mother bird forces her hatchling out to fly.

K: What was your approach to finding the perfect job?

MF: I don’t know my ‘life’s purpose’ so I can only be the best person I can be.  I consider myself spiritual, but not religious.  I do a lot of reading – for business, for thinking and for fun.  I stumbled on the Law of Attraction through a study group I was involved in and it just resonated with me.  I learned that what you think about and focus on often happens. So, instead of focusing on past hurts, I decided to focus on the present and the future.

I started doing little things like visualizing a sunny day for my daughter’s birthday pool party.  The day of the party, it rained all morning, but by the time the party was about to begin, we had warm, sunny skies. With that kind of success under my belt, I applied the lessons to my job search.

K: You had some early successes that gave you courage – then what did you do to focus on your job search?

MF: I decided to only go after what resonated with me.  I was lucky that I had savings and had COBRA (continuation of medical insurance coverage), but I also had FAITH that I would get a job I wanted. When I thought about a particular job with a particular type of company with a particular product, I felt myself get excited.  When I told people what I wanted to do, I found I would speak faster and become more animated.  I don’t know why I felt that way and I spent many hours trying to understand it. I resonated with this type of position, so I spent time visualizing it and examining what made me so passionate about it.

I pursued one company and ended up being their #2 choice.  That bit of news set me back emotionally for a few days.  But, I moved on and kept telling myself, “There’s a reason why that one didn’t work out and the right one will!” I even had the gumption to say to more than one person, “I really want to take the summer off to be with the kids, then by the end of the summer, I’ll have a couple of job offers so I can chose the right one.”  On August 29th, I got my first job offer and a week later, got a second.

K: Isn’t that interesting that your words became a self-fulfilling prophesy!

MF: That’s right!  And what’s more amazing is that I landed at a company that was exactly as I visualized if not better.  It is a smaller organization but with some benefits I was surprised they offered.  They have an extremely experienced management team that, so far, seems to have no hidden agenda.  They share and treat me as a valued part of the organization. I am thankful to be there.

K: As we finish up, what words of wisdom do you have for job seekers and others who are trying to follow their dreams?

MF: If you take anything from reading this, my message is simple: Let go of the past, thank it for teaching you a life experience – albeit not a pleasant one, but one that helps you know what you DON’T want and will help you appreciate where you land next.  Focus on what you do want – visualize it clearly – and have faith that you will get it.  Make a decision that resonates with your highest values, your highest self – you’ll know it when you see it!  Until then, be patient.  My best wishes for you all!

K: Thanks so much, good friend, for your insight and wisdom.

Kristin Robertson of Brio Leadership loves to interview friends for this newsletter and blog.  If you have a workplace story to tell about values in action, such as forgiveness, positive thoughts, compassion and integrity, please contact Kristin here.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends – or married to – the person who hurt you.  It simply means that you have reached a feeling of peace about the person or situation and have discharged your anger or resentment. The decision to take action after someone has hurt you is always a better one if you can wait until you have forgiven, at least in part. This is because your heart and mind are clear of dark emotions that dim your decision-making ability.

So, you’ve gone through the process to forgive and have released much of your lingering anger and resentment.  Now, how do you decide whether to take action or do nothing, and what action to take?  Here are some questions to ponder:

What do I want to accomplish with my actions?  Define what the ideal outcome would be. In a circumstance that involves criminal or unethical behavior, you may wish to prevent the perpetrator from hurting someone else or prevent that person from hurting you or your family again.  Or, you may wish to change aspects of your relationship so that you protect yourself from further hurt.  An example: You forgive your spouse for charging too much on credit cards and amassing a large debt. You would like to get out of debt, so you ask your spouse to commit to a budget and create a plan for paying off what you owe.

What are the chances of accomplishing my goal? Once you have defined what you want to accomplish with your action, how likely are you to achieve it? If you are thinking of taking legal action against someone, research similar cases or seek the advice of an attorney to help you decide the best course of action. If the risk of not attaining your goal is high, you may choose to take another course of action.

Is the other person capable of hearing my concerns and making a change in their behaviors? In this discernment question, you attempt to calibrate the ability of the other person to a) hear what you have to say with a receptive ear and b) to be able to make behavioral changes. If the other person is incapable of helping you accomplish your goal,  perhaps you should act differently or not at all.  For example, if your best friend hurt you by criticizing your teenage son’s new nose ring and you know she is sensitive to confrontation, is it really worth jeopardizing your friendship by speaking to her about it, or should you just shrug it off?

How will I feel if I DON’T take action? You may think that you need to stand up for values or beliefs that are important to you, and it would be a sin of omission if you didn’t act or speak up. 

How much is this relationship worth to me? If the relationship is a close and important one, like with your spouse or your boss, it is probably worth speaking up or doing something about the situation. If, however, you can simply walk away from the relationship, sometimes that is the better part of valor. In some instances, ending the relationship is the best way to honor yourself and your needs.  If you do decide to end the relationship, you serve yourself by in the spirit of forgiveness rather than out of malice or spite. And that is the biggest challenge of all – to walk away after taking the chip off your shoulder.

What does Source want me to do? Getting down on your knees and asking for God’s guidance in prayer or meditation is the ultimate determinant of what you should do. How might Source view this situation? What challenge is God presenting you?  What action could you take to best follow the path of love?

These questions are only a guide to assisting you in discerning the best course of action or inaction. Listen to the wisdom of your pure and forgiving heart, which reflects God’s unconditional love for all. Then take action. Or not.

Stop that!

"When you hold resentment toward another," says Catherine Ponder, "you are bound to that
person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

Now, I know that it can sometimes be hard to forgive. That’s why I wrote the book about how to forgive, called A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past. And that’s why I want to invite you to attend this special telesummit that I am hosting and speaking at.

It’s called the Forgiveness and Emotional Release Telesummit. I have assembled a group of 7 experts on forgiveness who share their illuminating insights in interviews that will inspire and touch you! Best of all, it available to anyone who wants to attend for FR*EE!

This complimentary telesummit starts THIS SATURDAY, August 1, and extends through
Friday, August 7. Act now to register for this life-changing online experience!

http://www.aforgivenessjournal.com/telesummit2009/

Better yet, you won’t even have to leave your home — nor rearrange your schedule — to participate! Each recording will be posted and available for you to listen to via online streaming audio for 24 hours. All you’ll need to hear each session is a computer with access to the Internet and some speakers.

Won’t you join me?

Blessings,
Kristin Robertson

PS: Remember, you’ll have a full 24 hours to listen to and replay each and every presentation … and it’s all F*R*E*E!

http://www.aforgivenessjournal.com/telesummit2009/

Kristin Robertson is preaching on the topic, Forgiveness is Freedom, at the 10:00 worship service.

All are welcome to either event.

A light lunch is being offered at the church by Wellness Gourmet at 11:15, and a love offering of $6 is suggested to cover meal costs.

Sunday, July 26, 12:00-4:00

Pathways Church, 525 S. Nolen Street, Suite 300, Southlake, TX  76092 (map)

$35 Suggested Love Offering

To register, please send Kristin a communication here.

Pamela Bruner, a Success Coach, Certified Firewalk Instructor, and Certified EFT Practitioner, helps coaches, consultants and healing practitioners create thriving businesses to better serve the world. Last week she included an article of mine in her ezine and posted a review of A Forgiveness Journal on her blog. For the telesummit, she’ll be talking about how EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) can help you with forgiveness.

Marilyn Foreman, a parenting facilitator, teacher, speaker, and author of KidBits: Inspiration for Parents, advocated A Forgiveness Journal as a useful tool in creating better parent/child relationships on her blog, Thoughts from Marilyn. She will be talking with me about Forgiveness and the Parent/Child Relationship during the Telesummit.

The first was at the Keener Financial Planning blog, where Jean Keener talked about how forgiveness can help you with your financial life, especially in this down economy. My article, Forgiveness: 5 Reasons It’s Good for You was also posted to the blog.

Then, today, my pastor posted a review of my book at the Sunflower Chalice blog.