Spiritually Mature Stress Management

September 27, 2008 | 1 Comment

Do you ever have a day when you look at your calendar and you want to either

a) cry (guys may not want to admit this, but it’s true for me) OR

b) run away to a remote desert island where they serve unlimited mai tais

because you have back-to-back meetings all day AND a pressing project to finish?  This is called stress - too much to do in too little time.  Times like this call us to our highest selves, because this is when the rubber hits the road on the spiritual journey.

It’s important to have a list of coping mechanisms in your back pocket, so to speak, in preparation for days like this.  Since I had one of those days yesterday, I have compiled this list of things to do the next time it happens.  I hope that by writing it down and sharing it with you, both of us can feel better about the next time we face this dilemma.

Here is a list of spiritually mature coping mechanisms for a stressful day:

  1. Cancel or skip one meeting!  Surely there is something in your day that you can give up. Delegate, dismiss or defer the meeting that isn’t both urgent and important.  This alone can reduce your stress. Think of it as setting an example for others as a good way to put boundaries on your time.
  2. Take a moment to go outside.  Walk slowly and mindfully, inhaling and exhaling with the rhythm of your step.  This can ground you immediately.
  3. Ring a chime or bell if you can do so without disturbing others.  Take that moment to simply listen to the beauty of the sound.
  4. Stretch.  Anyone can stretch right in their chair.  Raise your arms above you and reach for the ceiling.  Lean your head down over your knees and let your arms relax to the floor.
  5. Take a moment to meditate or pray. Go to the restroom if you need a moment of privacy.  Meditate on your breath or pray a short prayer.  This is a means to the end of “praying without ceasing.”
  6. Keep a scripture verse or inspirational saying on a small piece of paper.  Put it in your pocket or tack it on your bulletin board.  Read it as if you are reading it with your heart. Get lost in its meaning for just a moment. Let its peace invade your being.
  7. Write or say an affirmation such as, “All my work gets done with ease,” or “I finish my tasks with serenity,” or “God guides my hands and feet as I do my job.”

What are your spiritually mature coping mechanisms for a stressful day?  I’d like to hear from you!


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Our Spirits and Minds Need Rest and Recovery Time

July 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment

An athlete in training knows that periods of intense exercise must be followed by time for rest and recovery. The muscles are strengthened by this process of stress followed by rest, but muscles fail if they are strained for too long. Just like athlete’s muscles, our spirits and minds need periods of rest and recovery. I strongly advocate periodic breaks from the pounding daily routine of work and family responsibilities. The mind can recover by being exposed to new ideas in a different environment, but the spirit needs expansive, quiet time to rest and recover its zest.

Business conferences are good events for stimulating the mind. Going away from the daily work routine and hearing cutting-edge speakers and thinkers can be extraordinarily healing and inspiring to the mind.  The spirit, on the other hand, needs to periodically experience quiet times, enjoy nature and take time for contemplation in order to rejuvenate.

I am experiencing both types of events in the course of two weeks this summer. I just returned from a fast-paced business conference that was at once highly stimulating and physically tiring. During the time out of the office, I was able to think new thoughts, see my business from different perspectives and consider new possibilities. I came away inspired and charged up, ready to apply some of the newly discovered insights and tips. Next, I turn to a quiet retreat time to restore my spirit. I will spend four days on retreat at Upaya Zen Center in New Mexico.  During this time, I will meditate, journal, eat several meals in silence, enjoy the spirit-nourishing group activities and bathe my eyes and soul in beautiful mountain scenery.

It is so important that we give ourselves the gift of rejuvenation. We need daily, weekly, annual and once-in-a-lifetime rituals that feed our souls and spirits.

What are your plans for rejuvenating your mind and spirit?


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How to Stay Sane during an Insane Day

July 2, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Have you ever attended an all-day meeting or had back-to-back meetings from morning to night? Ever wonder how you can keep a sense of balance or a connection to the All-That-Is during a day in which there is no time for contemplation or even much of a break? The business world demands much of us, with schedules that tax the mind and soul at times  A psychologist friend once remarked to me, “I’m amazed at how little time executives and managers have for thinking and deliberation.” We get used to thinking on our feet, making quick decisions while running from meeting to meeting.

So what can an Brio Leadership do to reconnect with Source energy during a busy, stressful day?  There are several easy, quick methods that can help you feel centered, energized and focused.  Try these:

  1. Breathe.  When we get stressed, we have a tendency to breathe shallowly and from our chest only. No one will notice if you consciously remember to take a deep, belly breath during a meeting. The deep breath will prevent tension from accumulating in your body, clear your mind and enhance your concentration.
  2. Breathe through your heartspace. Imagine opening your heart and breathing through that part of your body. Your heart has neurons (brain cells) in it, just like your brain, and when you focus on your heart, you invoke the heart’s intelligence and intuition. Your decision-making abilities will be enhanced. You can do this exercise as you listen to someone speaking - it can be something you do in the background of your focus.  Thank goodness for our minds, that can process information at a rate 4 times faster than a human can talk!
  3. Optimize your restroom breaks. Ah, a moment alone in the restroom stall! Take advantage of your private time and breathe consciously and fully. Observe your breath through 5 inhalations and exhalations. Be in the moment, be in your body. You will return to the meeting refreshed.
  4. Wash your hands mindfully. Also in the restroom, ceremonially wash your hands. Wash off any negative energy, emotions or judgments you may have accumulated. Watch them swirl away down the drain, leaving your hands and your psyche clean and fresh, ready to return to your activities with a clear mind and an open heart. While drying your hands, appreciate your hands and all they do - type, write, shake other people’s hands, make gestures.
  5. Conduct a body scan for emotions. To make sure you are aware of your emotions, and therefore can manage them effectively, periodically scan your body for emotions. Start at the top of your head and move down your entire body, looking for areas of tension, heat, tingles or stress. You can do this in a blink of an eye - during a lull in the conversation, for example. If you find an problem area, consciously relax it and try to determine what emotion it represents. Typically, nervousness or fear show up in your solar plexus or stomach, anger appears in your upper back and shoulders, tension and anxiety manifest in your head, and sadness and grief appear in your throat and neck area. Awareness of your feelings allows you to manage them. If you feel angry or threatened, you might breathe into your heartspace (see above) and be prepared to choose your behavior, rather than react without consideration.
  6. Mentally bless the food before you eat. Even during the most insane day, most of us catch a moment to eat something. During all-day meetings, lunch is often catered in. Before taking a bite, lower your eyes for just a moment and give silent thanks for the meal you are about to eat. Silently recite your favorite meal-time grace. This will embed a moment of reverence in your day and ground you for the next segment.

It is possible to keep your sense of balance during an insane day. Other than the desire to stay centered, it only takes a moment here and there to reconnect to the deep calm that is always within you.

Do you have favorite ways to stay in-the-moment during a busy day? Please post a comment here and share them with us. Blessings to you on your journey.


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Freeing Ourselves from Limiting Beliefs

June 20, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Limiting beliefs are those mental blocks that keep us from living happy lives and fulfilling our potential. They tell us things like, “I am not good enough” or “I will never have enough money”. Limiting beliefs are created in reaction to life experiences.  The most powerful limiting beliefs are formed when we are children and adolescents, when our brains are not yet fully developed. When we are young, we react to events the best we can, forming beliefs that protect us from further psychological harm. Not all limiting beliefs are formed during our young years, however.  Adult experiences can cause us to form limiting beliefs, too, but they generally don’t exert as strong a hold on us as ones created when we are young.

Becoming aware of our limiting beliefs is a large contributor to overcoming them.  I know about this from first-hand experience.  I recently became aware of a limiting belief formed during adulthood, and the simple awareness of it has made a huge change in my life. I’ll share how it was formed in hopes that others can relate to the story and begin to identify some of their own limiting beliefs.

The limiting belief that I was operating under was “I shouldn’t travel for work because bad things happen to my family when I’m gone.”  This belief has caused me extreme internal conflict every time I travel for business - I love my work, but I hate to leave my family.  Here’s how it was formed.

When my son was an infant, he was chronically ill with asthma, extreme food and environmental allergies, ear infections and constant colds.  Every time he caught a cold, he would have a severe asthma attack. Asthma in an infant or small child is extremely dangerous - their small airways get so closed down that they cannot breathe. We called him the canary in the mineshaft, because he was so sensitive to almost everything.  He was hospitalized numerous times during the first three years of his life, and my husband and I nursed him through many anxious nights.

When he was three years old, I planned to extend a business trip to New York City to spend the weekend in Maine with an old friend. This was the first time that I had planned a solo pleasure trip in the three years since my son’s birth. The night before I was supposed to go to Maine, my husband called and told me that our son was getting a cold. My husband and I kept in close touch by telephone.  By noon on my last day in New York, it was clear that my son was in the middle of a severe asthma attack. I needed to go home to take care of my family. I changed my plans to go to Maine and re-scheduled my flight so I could return home that night.  My husband said he would meet my plane and drive me home from the airport.

I arrived at my hometown airport at 1:30 am that night, exhausted.  When I got out to the curb, I realized that my husband wasn’t there to meet me - a bad sign. I called home, and, to my horror, my minister sleepily answered the phone.  My heart sank, fearing the worst. He told me that he was staying at our house for the night to care for my daughter while my husband took my son to the hospital.

I took a cab home and then drove to the hospital, where I exchanged places with my husband, who went home to be with our daughter and send our minister home.  I joined my son in the Emergency Room, where several doctors were working on him.  They needed to put an IV in his arm, but my son couldn’t lay still due to the asthma drugs that made him jumpy. He was wheezing, crying and thrashing his arms and legs. They had to put my baby in a straight jacket to restrain him.  At that point, the doctors suggested that I leave the room, perceiving that I was about to lose it. I sat down on the floor in the hallway, put my head in my hands and wept as I listened to my son scream in the adjacent room.  I never felt so desperate and hopeless as that night.

Although my son and I survived that night, I internalized that traumatic experience into extreme guilt and worry during every business trip I’ve taken since then.  It’s been a limiting belief for me - robbing me of internal ease and confidence when I traveled.  Now that my children are almost out of the nest, it seems time to give that up.

At my prayer group meeting recently, I had a revelation. During our sharing time, somehow this story came up. I told it and wept. Then I realized that this event had caused me to develop a limiting belief around travel. I had told myself that I hate to travel for business, which is not entirely true. I felt compassion for myself, understanding how and why I had built up this belief.  It had served me well during the years my children were young, influencing me to make decisions that kept me closer to home.  But now, girded with the knowledge of this limiting belief and that my family is OK without me, I can start believing that business travel is OK and maybe even fun!

I’m off to both Finland and Nashville tomorrow for a week-long business trip.  I look forward to testing my revised belief that business travel can be fun!


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The Three Hill Walk

June 9, 2008 | Leave a Comment

I did a "three hill walk" tonight at sundown.  I live in a neighborhood that’s unusual for these parts - it has hills.  There are three streets that go up that hill, and I walked all three of them tonight. Fast. I got up a bit of a sweat. Despite the glow I achieved, it was an Everyday Mystic walk. Even though I’ve walked that route countless times, tonight I walked those hills like I’ve never walked them before - with beginner’s mind and new eyes.

This afternoon, a summer thunderstorm blew in, dumped lots of rain but blew out the humidity and dropped the temperature significantly. Tonight was a magic night - unusually cool for June, but warm enough to envelope a sundown walker in a wrap of summer evening-ness.  As I walked, my senses were alert.  I noticed that I couldn’t hear any traffic noise - which can’t be said for the mornings, when I usually walk those hills.  What I heard were two airplanes flying overhead, one dog barking and the constant sound of my feet walking - per-thum, per-thum, in 2/4 time, accented by an occasional skreek when my shoe scraped the pavement. And then - oh my! - there were the cicadas in the trees, with their rhythmic drone.  I noticed the music of one band of cicadas fade out as I walked away from their trees; then I would hear another band grow louder as I walked toward them.  It reminded me of going to a parade and hearing five bands march by, spaced out over the length of the parade.  Every now and then I heard a tree frog’s quiet squeak-squeak.  I stopped to put my hand in a stream of water coming from an irrigation sprinkler. I was surprised at how warm the water felt.  I nearly swooned as my nose caught an intoxicating waft of perfume from a nearby honeysuckle bush.

Exercise is a great way to get in touch with our bodies and our connection to something greater than ourselves, if we pay attention to the moment. I enjoy going to the gym to get my exercise, but sometimes it feels like a microwave experience - quick, efficient but devoid of true flavor or aroma.  That’s why I enjoy walking so much. If I remember to 1) go alone and 2) be aware as I walk, I can be present to the sites and sounds around me and to the wonder of my body as it propels me through space.

I recommend an Everyday Mystic walk to you, especially after a busy or stressful day. Open your senses - see, hear, feel and touch what is around you. Feel the stress drain from your body. Appreciate your feet as they carry you on your journey. Be in the moment. Be grateful. Feel alive.


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