As I coach and mentor job seekers and corporate executives, I realize again the power of thoughts and intentions. It is true that what you think about, comes about! I hope you enjoy this month’s interview with a successful job seeker.

If you know others who are interested in incorporating values such as integrity, respect, courage, compassion, forgiveness and creativity in the workplace, please share this website with them!

Kristin: Tell us about your job loss last winter.

My Friend: I worked at a very well respected company, probably the top in my field.  When I was originally recruited to work there, I was extremely flattered.  But while I was well liked by my peers and respected by many, I never really felt comfortable working for such a large organization.  The huge management structure, the inevitable politics and bureaucracy were not really me.

When the economy took a dive, the pressure was on.  Corporate told us that there would need to be some cuts.  My manager, whom I adored, was let go. There was a re-org at the end of 2008 and then I just knew, but could never confirm – I was on ‘THE LIST’.  I lived for weeks of uncertainty that turned into a 3-month waiting game.

Finally, I was laid off last March.  While I was resentful on how they secretly planned it and communicated the news to me, I felt relieved.  The uncertainty was over; I now knew what action I needed to take. Networking!

K: It seems to me that you got over being resentful of your past employer faster than others I have coached and mentored.  What’s your secret?

MF: Kristin, you’ve commented many times about my ability to forgive my last employer.  I never saw it as forgiveness but rather simply moving on.  Even early on in my job search, I secretly thanked my former employer for letting me go. I knew I wasn’t happy in that environment but was paralyzed by the shaky economy and too mesmerized by working at #1 to go looking for a new job.  They forced me out – like a mother bird forces her hatchling out to fly.

K: What was your approach to finding the perfect job?

MF: I don’t know my ‘life’s purpose’ so I can only be the best person I can be.  I consider myself spiritual, but not religious.  I do a lot of reading – for business, for thinking and for fun.  I stumbled on the Law of Attraction through a study group I was involved in and it just resonated with me.  I learned that what you think about and focus on often happens. So, instead of focusing on past hurts, I decided to focus on the present and the future.

I started doing little things like visualizing a sunny day for my daughter’s birthday pool party.  The day of the party, it rained all morning, but by the time the party was about to begin, we had warm, sunny skies. With that kind of success under my belt, I applied the lessons to my job search.

K: You had some early successes that gave you courage – then what did you do to focus on your job search?

MF: I decided to only go after what resonated with me.  I was lucky that I had savings and had COBRA (continuation of medical insurance coverage), but I also had FAITH that I would get a job I wanted. When I thought about a particular job with a particular type of company with a particular product, I felt myself get excited.  When I told people what I wanted to do, I found I would speak faster and become more animated.  I don’t know why I felt that way and I spent many hours trying to understand it. I resonated with this type of position, so I spent time visualizing it and examining what made me so passionate about it.

I pursued one company and ended up being their #2 choice.  That bit of news set me back emotionally for a few days.  But, I moved on and kept telling myself, “There’s a reason why that one didn’t work out and the right one will!” I even had the gumption to say to more than one person, “I really want to take the summer off to be with the kids, then by the end of the summer, I’ll have a couple of job offers so I can chose the right one.”  On August 29th, I got my first job offer and a week later, got a second.

K: Isn’t that interesting that your words became a self-fulfilling prophesy!

MF: That’s right!  And what’s more amazing is that I landed at a company that was exactly as I visualized if not better.  It is a smaller organization but with some benefits I was surprised they offered.  They have an extremely experienced management team that, so far, seems to have no hidden agenda.  They share and treat me as a valued part of the organization. I am thankful to be there.

K: As we finish up, what words of wisdom do you have for job seekers and others who are trying to follow their dreams?

MF: If you take anything from reading this, my message is simple: Let go of the past, thank it for teaching you a life experience – albeit not a pleasant one, but one that helps you know what you DON’T want and will help you appreciate where you land next.  Focus on what you do want – visualize it clearly – and have faith that you will get it.  Make a decision that resonates with your highest values, your highest self – you’ll know it when you see it!  Until then, be patient.  My best wishes for you all!

K: Thanks so much, good friend, for your insight and wisdom.

Kristin Robertson of Brio Leadership loves to interview friends for this newsletter and blog.  If you have a workplace story to tell about values in action, such as forgiveness, positive thoughts, compassion and integrity, please contact Kristin here.

Have a wonderful holiday season and happy new year!

Generosity comes in many forms. You can give of your time, your treasure and/or your talent. Generosity is not just gifts of money. It can be the time that you donate to work for a worthy cause, to speak to someone who is worried, to visit a friend or acquaintance in the hospital, or to simply exchange smiles with another. Time is precious, and it can be a huge source of generosity. You share your time and your talent when you volunteer to lead a non-profit fundraiser, tutor a child, coach your daughter’s soccer team or help a struggling business.

What does generosity look like for my family and my business? It is paying people who work for us an above-market wage, tipping generously and giving ten percent or more of our income each year to charities and non-profit organizations. It is donating my time and talent to worthy causes. I volunteer and hold leadership positions at church and on non-profit boards. I am involved in my community. I serve the local HDI chapter as an officer. I run my business on the principles of generosity and giving back, and everything I have given has blessed me many times over. It is the right thing to do, while at the same time, it blesses the giver as well as the recipient.

Your time, talent and treasure are each representations of energy. When energy is dammed up and not allowed to flow, it disintegrates, like a battery that sits on the shelf and is never used. Think of how love, another form of energy, multiplies when you give it away. The more love you give to others, the more you recieve. Time, talent and treasure operate the same way – each is enhanced by allowing it to flow outward from you. When you bless others by giving money to worthy causes, whether that be a generous tip to the hair dresser, a check to a family member who is in financial distress or a donation to a church or non-profit organization, you set up a flow of energy that ultimately comes back to bless you. In the meantime, you feel the satisfaction of knowing that your money has helped others.

It’s not quite the same when you hoard money, time and talent or spend it entirely on self interests. Instead of flowing freely through a circuit, the flow gets damned up because it is not going anywhere. There is nothing wrong with having nice things or focusing on your career, but buying a fancy new car for yourself does not set up the chain of blessing that giving away money or volunteering for a charity does. Buying a new car has a different feel and purpose to it – you don’t get the same satisfaction you get when giving to a cause that is bigger than yourself. You don’t set up the circular flow of energy that comes from gifting your time, talent or treasure to a church, charity, or other needy person.

When I get concerned about money, I counter the anxiety by donating some money to people or causes. For example, when I was on sabbatical 2 years ago, cash flow was a challenge because I wasn’t bringing in revenue for my business. Many people are in the same situation during this holiday season – money might be a little tight in your home due to layoffs or the general economic slowdown. The local public radio station did a pledge drive during that time, and I decided to give generously even though my income was severely reduced. And, my husband and I hosted a reception and brunch for our extended family during a family reunion because we knew it was the right thing to do. These acts of giving were done with love and gratitude in our hearts. My husband simply said, “It was the right thing to do.”

Several days after returning from the family reunion, there were two unexpected checks in the mail that equaled the amounts that we had recently spent on family and charities. We started the blessing, and it was returned to us. When you give out of the goodness of your heart, you are blessed in ways, whether monetary or otherwise, that you can’t imagine.

This holiday season, remember to practice generosity. It feels good to give generously of your time, talent or treasure this month to some cause that is making a difference in your community. Be generous with the people you meet – if it’s only a smile you can share, share generously! Help others in both small and large ways. In this way, we celebrate the true meaning of the holidays.

Individuals who achieve more advanced stages of adult development are more effective leaders, according to the research of many visionary thinkers. Dr. Daniel Goleman has extensively documented the positive effect of improved emotional intelligence, one measurement of adult development, on leadership performance. Other researchers have created models of adult development, such as Bill Torbert, Susanne Cook-Greuter, Richard Barrett and Jim Collins (author of “Good to Great”). Their work demonstrates that an individual who can think globally, act with wisdom and compassion, and create climates of innovation is more effective in business. And, the proof is in the organizations they lead, which enjoy organizational longevity, positive work environments, long-term profitability and high stakeholder value.

Therefore, it behooves any leader who aspires to become a transformational leader to look inside himself and focus on his own personal development. The results will be reflected in the quality of that leader’s life and in the performance of his organization. By working on his own mental, emotional, physical and spiritual development, the leader will affect change in the life of his organization.

Please note: Leaders are found at all levels of an organization and in all walks of life; leadership is not the exclusive domain of managers and executives. Some of the most effective leaders I know do not have a managerial title, but lead by their example, their maturity and their ability to speak the truth. Be a leader from wherever you sit!

Here are five ways to develop yourself on the inside so you become a more effective leader on the outside:

1. Increase your self awareness.
All personal growth begins with self-awareness. The plethora of individual assessments currently on the market attests to the basic human desire and need to learn more about yourself. Leadership assessments, like the Leadership Values Assessment that Brio Leadership can administer, can be very helpful in gaining a better understanding of your skills and strengths. Other assessments that might prove useful are StrengthsFinder (you can access the online assessment with the code found in the book, StrengthsFinder 2.0) and the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal (also available online with the code found in the Emotional Intelligence Quickbook).

In order to understand yourself more clearly, you need to seek out other people’s perception of you. Ken Blanchard says, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” This is because we cannot fully know ourselves through self-observation – the view is too recursive. Consider engaging a coach or your human resources department to conduct a 360o survey that solicits input about your strengths and blindspots from your boss, peers and employees. (Brio Leadership offers such a feedback mechanism in its coaching services.) Put the feedback through a calm filter of truth and make changes where it is warranted. Thank the people who participated in the survey and report the results to them. That way, they will be encouraged to provide feedback in the future.

2. Increase your emotional maturity.
Read books on emotional intelligence, such as “Primal Leadership” by Daniel Goleman or “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, and Patrick M. Lencioni. Identify the emotional triggers that cause you to react inappropriately, consider a variety of more effective responses and repeatedly visualize yourself choosing one of the more effective actions. Train yourself to pause before reacting to an emotional trigger so you can choose a considered response.

3. Embrace “both/and” thinking.
“Both/and” thinking is a way to hold ambiguity in your mind and not reduce a complex situation to black and white solutions. It is the opposite of dualistic thinking, which focuses too narrowly on dichotomies such as right/wrong and either/or. Instead, consider shades of gray and possibilities that are foreign to you. This will improve your ability to innovate and make more informed, rather than knee-jerk, decisions. Try to understand people who think differently than you do. Accept complexity and have the patience to wait for a solution to present itself. Listen deeply for the hidden meaning in what people say to you.

4. Eschew fear-based decision-making.
Learn to be a non-anxious presence – a presence that does not get sucked into negative emotions, judgments or worry. Do not wrap a blanket of fear and limited thinking around you. Instead, be positive and forward-looking, expecting the best from people and situations. Before making a decision, ask yourself, what would be the most compassionate response to this dilemma? What would Jesus – or Buddha, Moses, Gandhi, Mother Theresa (fill in your compassionate role model’s name here) – do in this situation? What can I do to serve the greater good?

5. Think globally, act locally – in that order.
Transformational leaders are always looking at the BIG big picture. They not only consider the welfare of their team and their company, but they include the welfare of all stakeholders, the community and the next generation. These are the people who are looking to leave a legacy of compassion, enduring values and innovation in their organizations. They think of the big picture, then act locally in a way that serves the common good. Questions to ask yourself are: How can I act in a way that serves the common good? How can I transcend my own self-interest in order to create something that will outlast my lifetime?

Transformational leadership begins on the inside, with your heart, mind, body and human spirit. You, too, can become a transformational leader!

Leaders can also change and transform their professional lives through introspection and self-knowledge. In this post, I discuss how to define your core values and how important they are to creating the future that you truly desire.

All the best,

Kristin

Authentic leaders know themselves: They define their own core values, they understand the behaviors that embody their values and they recognize the emotional triggers that may sidetrack them from living in integrity. Taking stock of your tendencies and highest aspirations may seem like busy-work for a harried worker or executive; to the contrary, it is foundational inner work for the leader who wishes to lead with integrity. When your core values are the bedrock of your decision-making, you live in alignment with your ideals and create a future of your own design.

Effective leaders need to understand their personal core values in order to act with integrity, not react according to past experiences or emotional triggers.  Value-based decision-making allows leaders to shape their own destiny, one choice at a time.  If you react, you reinforce previous behaviors and continue the patterns of the past.  However, if you act according to your values, you choose a future that is aligned to your highest ideals.

How does a leader define his core values?  Remember first that core values are the 3-5 most important, encompassing values that you live by. A good way to start, however, is by identifying your top ten values, then distilling those to a handful that are easy to remember.

Although the process is straightforward, it may take some time to work it to your satisfaction.  Let these concepts percolate through your mind over several days, then carve out some quiet time to write down your conclusions.

Here’s how to define your core values.

1. Think of past decisions that were successful AND made you feel good about yourself.  Using these as an indicator, identify the values that drove those decisions. Then add values to include the values that you wish to embody in the future. Create a list of about ten values. You might choose from this list or create your own: accountability, work/life balance, compassion, creativity, efficiency, excellence, fairness, family, financial gain, future generations, fun, honesty, integrity, making a difference, personal growth and fulfillment, power, respect, success, wisdom.
2. Now, create a matrix that lists your top ten values, a description of what it means to you and an example of actions you take to live by that value.  Here is an excerpt from my list of top ten values:
   

   Value:	What this means to me:	Example actions I take to live this value:
   Integrity	Doing what I say I will do, according to my code of honor	I refund a client if they accidentally overpay me.
   Compassion	Acting with love and the best interests of the people involved; creating a win-win situation.	I express my desires and vision in a way that respects the desires of the other person.

3. Once you have your top ten values, step back and look at them through the following filters:
   1. Group similar values together. Find a word or phrase that describes the grouped values.
   2. Prioritize the remaining values by asking yourself these two important question: 1) Which of these are the most important to me?  2) What values do I want to be remembered for at the end of my life?
   3. Ensure that the top 3-5 include values that relate to your own personal development, to serving your family/customers and to contributing to society at large.  This helps you create well-rounded values and a legacy.
   4. Lastly, make sure that the values you choose are achievable for you.  It helps no one if you are not truly committed and able to live your values.
4. Post your list of Core Values in a prominent place, perhaps near your desk or computer.  Live with them for a few days to make sure they resonate with you.  When satisfied, re-post the Core Values again so you can refer to them in future decision-making and as a daily reminder.

The best leaders know themselves.  They take the time to inspect their values, their motives and they understand their tendencies. Create your own Core Values and use them as a compass on your journey to living, and leading, in wholeness.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends – or married to – the person who hurt you.  It simply means that you have reached a feeling of peace about the person or situation and have discharged your anger or resentment. The decision to take action after someone has hurt you is always a better one if you can wait until you have forgiven, at least in part. This is because your heart and mind are clear of dark emotions that dim your decision-making ability.

So, you’ve gone through the process to forgive and have released much of your lingering anger and resentment.  Now, how do you decide whether to take action or do nothing, and what action to take?  Here are some questions to ponder:

What do I want to accomplish with my actions?  Define what the ideal outcome would be. In a circumstance that involves criminal or unethical behavior, you may wish to prevent the perpetrator from hurting someone else or prevent that person from hurting you or your family again.  Or, you may wish to change aspects of your relationship so that you protect yourself from further hurt.  An example: You forgive your spouse for charging too much on credit cards and amassing a large debt. You would like to get out of debt, so you ask your spouse to commit to a budget and create a plan for paying off what you owe.

What are the chances of accomplishing my goal? Once you have defined what you want to accomplish with your action, how likely are you to achieve it? If you are thinking of taking legal action against someone, research similar cases or seek the advice of an attorney to help you decide the best course of action. If the risk of not attaining your goal is high, you may choose to take another course of action.

Is the other person capable of hearing my concerns and making a change in their behaviors? In this discernment question, you attempt to calibrate the ability of the other person to a) hear what you have to say with a receptive ear and b) to be able to make behavioral changes. If the other person is incapable of helping you accomplish your goal,  perhaps you should act differently or not at all.  For example, if your best friend hurt you by criticizing your teenage son’s new nose ring and you know she is sensitive to confrontation, is it really worth jeopardizing your friendship by speaking to her about it, or should you just shrug it off?

How will I feel if I DON’T take action? You may think that you need to stand up for values or beliefs that are important to you, and it would be a sin of omission if you didn’t act or speak up. 

How much is this relationship worth to me? If the relationship is a close and important one, like with your spouse or your boss, it is probably worth speaking up or doing something about the situation. If, however, you can simply walk away from the relationship, sometimes that is the better part of valor. In some instances, ending the relationship is the best way to honor yourself and your needs.  If you do decide to end the relationship, you serve yourself by in the spirit of forgiveness rather than out of malice or spite. And that is the biggest challenge of all – to walk away after taking the chip off your shoulder.

What does Source want me to do? Getting down on your knees and asking for God’s guidance in prayer or meditation is the ultimate determinant of what you should do. How might Source view this situation? What challenge is God presenting you?  What action could you take to best follow the path of love?

These questions are only a guide to assisting you in discerning the best course of action or inaction. Listen to the wisdom of your pure and forgiving heart, which reflects God’s unconditional love for all. Then take action. Or not.