Summer Reading: How Women Rise

All professional women, and the men they work with, need to read a very timely and informative book called How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith[1]. I was so excited to discover this book that I read it in one sitting.  It is an important contribution to the understanding of how women can adapt their behaviors to get ahead in a male dominated workplace.
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Authors Helgesen and Goldsmith are a star-studded partnership.  Since publishing her best-seller The Female Advantage in 1990, Helgesen has been a sought-after leadership coach, author and speaker.  Goldsmith is known as “the world’s preeminent executive coach” and is the author of several New York Times bestsellers, starting with What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.  These two heavy-weight authorities have great advice for women that’s based on their decades-long experience observing and coaching both women and men.

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What this book does not address are the structural and systemic reasons that cause women to struggle to advance their careers. Some of these workplace truths include unconscious bias in hiring/promotions and personnel practices that assume you don’t have a family life.  The authors acknowledge the existence of these constraints on page 120:

“workplace structures and expectations created with men in mind continue to frustrate many women’s talents and ambitions”.

Instead, the book focuses on the behaviors that typically hold women back and sheds light on what they can do differently.  In that way, the book is highly optimistic and empowers women to deal with what they can control, which is their own behaviors.

The authors describe twelve habits that hold women back.  My one criticism of the book is that twelve habits is too many.  The human brain can’t retain that many items in working memory.  Interestingly, the authors side-handedly admit that twelve might be overwhelming by creating “habit clusters” that group similar habits together, suggesting that, for instance:

“if you have a problem with Habit 1, Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements, you probably also struggle with Habit 2, Expecting Other to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Contributions” (p 190-191). 

Although I wish the authors had simplified things, perhaps by reducing the habits from twelve to a handful that are easier to remember, that might have created a less compelling book or at least, a slimmer and less imposing one.

In addition to the above-mentioned Habits #1 and #2, some other habits that women can kick are:

• “Habit 3: Overvaluing Expertise”, meaning that women tend to wait until they have 110% of the expertise needed to apply for a promotion or plum job. 
• “Habit 7: The Perfection Trap”, which describes the hope for rewards if you get everything perfectly correct.
• “Habit 4: Building Rather Than Leveraging Relationships” in which women tend to build relationships just to have friends rather than using friendships to trade favors.                 

The most memorable story told in this book was about the woman who coordinated, with a male co-leader, a high-profile charity event.  It was a huge success.  Afterwards, the local paper interviewed her separately from her co-leader.  She gave all the credit to her co-leader, whereas he took all the credit himself, making her look like a helper rather than a strong leader.  The woman was angry and felt betrayed. In a workshop that Helgesen conducted, the woman accused her co-leader of being self-centered because he did not share the spotlight with her. When Helgesen interviewed the male partner about his actions, he noted that it never occurred to him that it was his job to promote his female co-leader.  That was her job, and didn’t she know how the game works?  This illustrates how men and women have the tendency to operate under different implicit rules.  Men just assume that it’s OK to brag about your accomplishments, while women have been taught they shouldn’t brag.

In a nutshell, this book encourages women to adopt the following behaviors:

• Toot your own horn by publicizing, in a gracious but firm manner, your own accomplishments.  Highlight your contributions before acknowledging your team members’ achievements.
• Tell everyone you can about your ambition in a clear fashion.  If you want to be CEO, tell your boss and ask for her/his help to achieve the dream.
• Think big and think strategically, both about the business and your career.  Don’t get derailed in perfecting minutiae.
• Instead of getting caught doing detail work, say no to inconsequential projects and ask instead for visible, high impact ones.
• “Speak your truth with clarity, intention and force” (p 191).  This will help you avoid ambiguity or conditional expressions such as “I believe that...” or “Doesn’t everyone agree that…”
• Accept less-than-perfect performance from yourself.  Sometimes winging it a little helps you come across as authentic and real. 

My advice on how to start practicing new behaviors is to follow a three-step method:

• First, start noticing when you fall into one of the habits. 
• Second, choose one better behavior to experiment with.  For example, if you notice that you tend to speak conditionally, decide to speak more forcefully at the next meeting you attend by stating your viewpoints without apology.
• Third, seek out an accountability partner who will give you feedback as you try out the new behavior. 

​The more you experiment, the more you will gain confidence with the new behavior until it becomes a habit.  The experts say that it takes us about a month to install a new habit, so be patient with yourself as you climb the learning curve. 

Use this informational book as your guide to learning new behaviors, and watch your career and personal success flourish!

​[1] Helgesen, Sally, & Marshall Goldsmith. 2018. How Women Rise: Break The 12 Habits Holding You Back From Your Next Raise Promotion Or Job. New York: Hachette Books.

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​Kristin Robertson is the Happy Mondays Coach, whose purpose is to ensure that your employees love to go to work on Monday mornings.  She is certified by Human Synergistics to conduct both the Organizational Culture Indicator and Organizational Effectiveness Indicator, which have been used by thousands of companies to transform their culture.  Her breadth of experience in culture transformation, leadership development and executive coaching make her the perfect partner for a company culture turn-around.

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